fortsam:

When he didn’t drink the pineapple juice..

fortsam:

When he didn’t drink the pineapple juice..

octupac:

yeah but how many notes did ur post get in dog notes

foodchewer:

maybe i’ll be hot tomorrow 

snatchedweaves:

walking downstairs in the middle of the night after bloggingimage

Mom: “Why are you awake?

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clituorice:

when i see a cute boy on the street

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more-red-more-blue-more-beer:

lyxdelsic:

boys unbuckling their belts is the hottest thing in the world tbh

i read this as “seat belts” and i was like “no stay safe”

foretoldbygyromancy:

The Sims 4

foretoldbygyromancy:

The Sims 4

emilyisobsessed:

Leslie Knope tries impressions and accents

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toinfinityandbeyonce:

MY ANACONDA DONT

toinfinityandbeyonce:

MY ANACONDA DONT

0ffic3cha1r:

generalbooty:

yeah so i slept with this dude last night and idk we were chatting a bit  during the sexy time and for some reason his birthday came up and i was like “wait 25th of september? DUDE me TOO, wtf thats such a coincidence” and he was like “really? we have the same birthday? are u fuckin with me?” and i just looked down at his penis literally inside my vagina and was like “well technically yeah” and he was like haha nice one and high fived me

Get married

giveamanagame:

captainjamestklrk:

MY BIRD IS SITTING IN THE TOP CORNER OF HER CAGE CALLING MY DOG’S NAME AND ASKING IF HE WANTS A TREAT AND IF HE WANTS TO GO TO OUTSIDE AND HE’S TOO STUPID TO REALIZE IT’S HER SO EVERYTIME SHE SAYS SOMETHING HE LOOKS AT ME LIKE

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SHE LAUGHS EVERYTIME TOO AND NOW HE’S JUMPING ON ME AND BARKING AND GETTING MAD AT ME LIKE OLIVER TURN AROUND AND LOOK IN THAT HUGE ASS CAGE AND BEG HER FOR A FUCKING TREAT OR SOMETHING. 

your bird is an asshole